A song for Eli Manning (also, how to bet the New York Giants for the remainder of 2018)

12 October 2018

Hello?

(Tap tap tap.)

Is this thing on?

Can you hear me back there?

Great, great. Okay, this first song is one I just wrote, and it’s dedicated to one of my all-time favorite NFL quarterbacks. I mean, not for me personally as a fan or anything. I mean, go Jets, right, heh heh.

Anyway, it’s called Giant Eli and, with all apologies to Don McLean, the tune is his “American Pie.” Speaking of which, let me make sure this stupid karaoke is ready to go here … and … okay.

So … this is the song. O, and it’s called “Giant Eli”

It was not long ago
He can still remember how
The Giants won those Super Bowls
And he fondly did recall the day
When he'd throw it long to OBJ
And maybe they’d stop thinking that he’s old

But the Eagles made him shiver
With every floater he delivered
The bad news on the website
The future wasn’t so bright…

The biggest thing that we’ll regret
Is that we’ll be making fewer bets
Against the Giants money line
The day the cash cow died
So

Bye bye, Mr. Giant Eli
He took a look at his Lombardis
Then he broke done and cried
The boys at the ’book were feeling quite grim
Sayin’ damn I made some money off him
Damn I made some money off him…

Bye, Eli. It was fun while it lasted, but when ESPN says it’s time to go, well…

Sadly, the benching of Eli Manning will likely lose NFLbets the few Moneys (NFLbets’ preferred form of currency) we bet on the “Mitchell Trubisky or Eli Manning throws 20+ Interceptions” player prop unless Mitch takes a positively calamitous downturn the rest of the way. No matter: Prescient NFL bettors have made bank betting against and occasionally on Eli over the years. Even as serious underdogs in two Super Bowl runs, Eli’s (and, let’s face it, Tom Coughlin’s) Giants allowed bettors to win back a few rounds of losing bets in the final game.

And now it’s over.

Betting on the New York Giants in 2018

Moving forward, the kneejerk reaction on the part of the NFL bettor is likely to mentally adjust to betting heavily against the Giants the rest of the way – or at least when Alex Tanney takes the starting job.

But just, think before you bet that, pilgrim. Four big reasons stand in the way of the Giants serving as betting fodder through December:

• Odell Beckham and Saquon Barkley are still around. A new QB would have to lean heavily on these two – but that’s a plus. Beckham has been open pretty much on every passing play the Gaints have run in 2018 and Eli has seemingly found him about five times. How many other teams can claim two bona fide non-QB franchise players right now?

• An unknown QB can often be a plus. How often does a quarterback step into the starting role from the bench or from another team, only to stun and amaze in the short term – such quarterbacks can be a literal X-factor. Have we already forgotten the Fitzmagic of this season? Of how Kurt Warner rode the mystery to one of the NFL’s greatest single seasons ever? Or how Jimmy Garoppolo got his career started in a couple of Brady’s suspension games? Or how Tom Brady his freakin’ self launched a damn career when put in in a pinch for Drew Bledsoe in those innocent days of 2001?

• The numbers balance out. The Giants are currently are a bad 2-4 ATS and a terrible 1-3 ATS at home. For years, the worst team in the NFL has managed five or six wins ATS in a season. Looking at double-digit point spreads the rest of the way will likely get the Giants three or four more ATS wins before this season’s over.

• They play in the NFC East. Even in their best seasons, Washington and the Dallas Cowboys inexplicably drop games to their inferior division mates. Clearly, Philadelphia won’t be easy pickings for the Giants in Wentzylvania later this season, but if you’re not taking the Giants plus the points in any games remaining against Dallas or D.C. – Eli or no – you haven’t been paying attention.

Sayonara, Manning the Younger! You will be missed. Now if you’ll excuse NFLbets, we’ve got a sudden hankering for whiskey and rye…